i couldnt win if i was trying to loose

So. yesterday was a interesting one. my ex "boyfriend" came into town from califorina to visit his cousin and stopped by to see me ookkaaayyyy so i tell me boyfriend and he is like okay cool. so i go to hang out with him the whole day i found myself thanking God i have a good boyfriend.. i mena the ex was crazy! we went to get pizza and he is about to go off cuz its taking too long.. they HAVE to make the pizza first... gosh then we go into this store and as soon as he walks in he is cursing all over the place.. embarassing!!! so then we go to atlantic station and knocks the arm off a manequin!! so as he is fixing the arm a aldy walks out the store and the alarm goes off so this boy yells out " AWW someone stealin!!!" can yall believe this? and he had the nerve to try to be all over me... anyways needless to say i ended that night with a headache.

So the semester is in full swing and i am somewhere in between. classes are a killer and i am crazy busy! right now i am missing a class because the teacher doesnt let students in late... so ill just save the embarassment and go to his office later. this semester is alot like the other ones.. i am usually just lost inthe begining of the semester but by time the tests come arround i am on it. It is finally FRIDAY and i must say the week had a rocky start with presenataions and quizzes, friends and realtionships but all we can do is close out eyes and push through the fog till its all clear again.

what is the difference between a friendship and a realtionship? i am slowly realizing it is just about the same thing. about a year or 2 ago a friend went off on me for being too busy. she said i never call and we never hang out. a friend of mine and her boyfriend broke up because he says she is too busy to spend time. eariler this week it happened again.. i came across a blog where my best friend basically went off about me not being there for her in her time of need. My roomate is complaining that she doesnt see me but once a week if that. Kurt isnt trippin, but thats because we are both crazy busy.. What is going on here?? i must be missing something important cuz the walls around me are crumbling to the ground. since the year started ive been a bad roomate, friend, girlfriend, student... all around me there is pressure to be perfect and i am about to explode! im not superwoman! (but if i was i would like the have the ability to read minds). for a year noone has ever called to just say hi, noone has calls to see how classes are going but i dont expect them to cuz i just figured that everyone is doing their thang. a friend called me over the summer just to ask about her ex boyfriend and then she was gone. i get alot of calls where ppl unload on me and go. i dont mind, but can i tell you about my day? maybe thats why my blogs are so long.

I unloaded on my mother a while ago about when i bursted out in tears because a cat i pillar fell on me.. it wasnt just the bug but everything that semester. i didnt have anyone to tell my problems to because everyone thinks everything is spring flowers on my side so when i start to tell someone my problems i get the classic " You will be okay girl.. your stronger than me.. at least you have a boyfriend... at least you have a father... at least you have a blah blah." or i get the " Gurllll you need to leave him!!!. Humph!" i was tired of all the negativity so i shut down. no phone calls, no going out, i stop going to all my meetings (sorry yall). for a year i was under a rock and the only ppl that could get to me was my mother and kurt because they listened to me without judgement and without comment.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE!!!!!!!!!!!

....oops there isnt one.

TIME TO GRADUATE

This is my last year before i am inducted into real life. GRADUATION the idea of graduation seemed so distant before this year but now i am sooo ready to be outta here!!!! right before school started i was ready to burn the place down cuz STUDENT ACCOUNTS was trippin on me, there is still a calculus 3 grade i havent recieved form a teacher, for some reason one of my grants dissaperaed, and they still have my listed as a CHEMISTRY STUDENT!!!!! but its all okay now. i am crusing along graduation highway and contemplating what i want to do next with my life .. i really have 3 opitions right now.

Grad school- its great and i will be done faster but will i have the money?... or brain power for it?its the most ideal but i dont think its for me right now.

Work- in the industry of course... i ideally want my own buisness but i dont have the money to put into it right now. oh well..i guess ill invest in some buisness suits and lab coats!

Peace Corps- the best idea right now for me.ill be out the country for 2 years . loans paied off and ill be helping people..ill just be gone sooo long.. and im nervous as to where they are going to send me.. but then again im ALETHA and ill have fun or make some anywhere i go.

Ill figure it out somehow. i mean, i have to because i have 4 more months left of school. i better finish that peace corps application! but i have 2 job offers in the fields i want to work in.... decisions decisions! on one hand i can make lots of money doing what i like and on the other have i could travel, learn another language and help out a village in the meantime...ill just be broke when i come back..This semester i am only taking one engineering class and the rest are filler courses so im not a part time student. i thought these classes will be easy but about a week into school i was sadly mistaken..

Engineering Project- its like Senior project just for engineers.. im excited about this class.. mostly because last semester in engineering seminar( the prereq to this class) i did my project on the science behinfd tattoos.. i got a A! but this semester my advisor is Dr. Moeti... this will be intersting .. he already metioned what kind of project he wants me to do buti think it will be boring ... i think i want to do something with water purification for the people in thailand or mali... or mabu i can crack the whole mentos and diet coke myth,, or maybe research the chemical composition in farts!... oh well let see what he says!

French- parle vous francais? heck naw shawty ill pass on dat! i dont know what to say abotu this class except that its le ricidoulous! why do i have to be fluent i nfrench in 3 months when the agerage french child learns his/her language in like 5 or 6 years! oh well.. tryin to pass so ill just suck it up and etudie... or somthing like that

General chemistry 2- i just figured ill throw this class in as a refresher course... i took it already but i might as well take it over and get a A than keep my C from freshmen year...but i was wrong.. i picked the worst teacher to teach this class. Dr. Reed.. he is like hitler for chemistry.. he makes everything hard and laughs as we squirm and struggle to decode his questions... he is a true CAU teacher... our first test will be over chapters 1 to 10....maybe i should just keep the C hunh?

Probability and statistics- im nervous because everyone ive talked to said they failed the first time they took this class.. except one girl but i am not taking the same teacher she took. so far i dont know anything but i answer the questions right... confused? me too.. my noted look like greek and the teachers accent doesnt make this class any better...

this is my last year i can mooch off my mother and justifibly eat unhealthy.. i better make the most of it!